Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are
dishonest men in national government, too.
– Richard Nixon
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
– Robert Heinlein
There are more of them than us.
– Herb Caen
To generalize is to be an idiot.
– William Blake
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away
from those who are still
undecided.
– Casey Stengel
You can’t be truly rude until you understand good manners.
– Rita Mae Brown
The future is much like the present, only longer.
– Don Quisenberry
What’s on your mind, if
you’ll forgive the
over-statement.
– Fred Allen
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.
– W.C. Fields
Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from
coughing.
– Sir Ralph Richardson
When women kiss, it always reminds one of prizefighters shaking hands.
– H.L. Mencken
An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie for his country.
– Sir Henry Wotton
Everyone is kneaded out
of the same dough, but not
baked in the same oven.
– Yiddish proverb
The human race is faced
with a cruel choice: work or
daytime television.
– Unknown
The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right
sometimes.
– Winston Churchill
When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer ‘Present’ or ‘Not Guilty.’
– Theodore Roosevelt
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your
parrot to the town gossip.
– Will Rogers
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer
professionals. We cause accidents.
– Nathaniel Borenstein
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.
– Mark Twain
If you have a job without aggravations, you don’t have a job.
– Malcolm Forbes
Getting caught is the
mother of invention.
– Robert Byrne
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
– John Sladeck
The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much
trouble to put makeup on two faces.
– Maureen Murphy
No problem is so formidable that you can’t walk away from it.
– Charles Shultz
Even Canadians have sex.
– Robert McNeil
The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.
– Cousin Woodman
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation
but not the power of speech.
– George Bernard Shaw
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and
duct tape to make them stop.
– G. Weilacher
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
– John Kenneth Galbraith
I spilled spot remover on my dog. He’s gone now.
– Steven Wright
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
– Laurence J. Peter
Advertising – a judicious mixture of flattery and threats.
– Northrop Frye
Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you
wouldn’t have in your home.
– David Frost
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else
of the same name.
– Aldous Huxley
I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.
– Marshall McLuhan
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
– Abraham Lincoln
The mystery of
government is not how
Washington works but how
to make it stop.
– P.J. O'Rourke
Be sincere; be brief; be seated.
– Franklin Roosevelt
There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.
– W. Somerset Maugham
I’ll return your calls, but don’t phone me again.
– George Steinbrenner