Portsmouth City Councilor Nancy Pearson doesn’t strike one as the fighting type. I mean, she might fight for causes like affordable housing and public art, but it’s hard to imagine her literally pummeling someone with her fists. So it might come as a shock to casual readers to see a recent post on The Tug, titled Fight Me, in which Pearson threatens to beat an unnamed constituent to death and bury him under an apple tree.
But, if you continue to scroll through the other blog posts on The Tug’s Tumblr site, you’ll notice a pattern of mockery, inanity, and gross exaggeration — all the marks of good social satire. Since The Tug launched its fake news site over the weekend, its humorous bits have been making the rounds on social media, confusing some viewers and leaving them to wonder whose side they’re on, if there even are sides.
The Tug’s contributors value their anonymity, but we managed to catch up with them for an email Q&A about their goals, their inspirations, and the importance of humor in a community divided by frequent bickering. Predictably, the responses are of dubious veracity.
To see all The Tug’s posts, visit thetugportsmouth.tumblr.com.
Tell me about The Tug. When did you launch it, and what are its goals?
The Tug is a subsidiary of HarborCorp(™) established to mitigate the negative optics of their development on the North End at a reasonable cost. It was launched Aug. 27, 2016.
How many contributors are involved with The Tug?
Enough to party and not have it get too out of control.
How do you decide what topics to satirize?
We hit Gary’s for a twelver of wine coolers, flip through our stack of old issues of The Wire, and think, What would The Wire write about?
You’ve published pieces referencing the Prescott Park Arts Festival’s finances, South End residents complaining, and other topical local issues. Is there a particular agenda to your posts?
HarborCorp(™)’s proprietary software gives us topic guidelines based on Big Data analysis of social media and news sources. Beyond that, they give us a good amount of leeway to pick how we approach those topics as long as the end goal is met.
You’ve also playfully poked fun at certain local businesses and people. Have you gotten any blowback?
Our reporters have been carefully coached to seem playful enough to get attention and provoke human laughter, but not so cruel that they become off-putting. Marketers have had humor perfected since early Buzzfeed; we’ve just been waiting for the right opportunity to utilize it in Portsmouth. We have received no blowback as of yet, but any concerns can be directed to our corporate office.
There’s an “ask me anything” feature on the site. Have you gotten many questions? What’s the strangest one you’ve received?
What’s the difference between wife swapping and swingers?
Why does it say no single men at swingers clubs?
How many people are needed for it to be called an orgy? More than three?
What do I do if I see someone I know at a swingers club?
It goes on like that for a while. Do you know what to tell them? Because we don’t.
Have you heard from anyone who mistook one of your posts for a real news article?
Has The Sound?
There is a lot of bickering in Portsmouth about various topics these days, and sometimes it gets a bit ugly. Do you think a good dose of humor will help settle things down? Or will it just rile everyone up even more? Do you care either way?
Yes.
Do you think satire is important to social discourse?
Social discourse died when the comment section was invented. Satire makes people feel good though.
Why do you choose to remain anonymous?
People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and we can’t do that as simple civilians. As people, we’re flesh and blood, we can be ignored, we can be destroyed; but as a symbol — as a symbol we can be incorruptible, we can be everlasting.
Now for the important questions. Where can I park?
HarborCorp(™) will have enough parking for everyone.
When is Whole Foods opening?
Whole Foods is already open to members. If you’re not a member you can fuck right off until we’re ready for you.
How high up are those helicopters?
Not so high that we don’t know what you’re up to.
Frank Jones, Thomas Bailey Aldrich, and Ronnie James Dio walk into The Library Restaurant and get a round of beers. They sit down and start talking about how much Portsmouth has changed over the years. What do they think of the city today?
They couldn’t shut up about Eileen Foley, her power, her intellect, and her grounded civic connection, and how sexy that made them feel. Except for Dio, who talked the waitress into showing him up to the rooftop pool and was not seen again.
According to your polls, will former Portsmouth mayor Steve Marchand be elected governor?
You’d have to be high to think he wouldn’t win, and you might be.